I'm tired, slightly buzzed and worn out. It is said this is when I speak (or in this case, write) the best. The real reason for this blog? So that people may ultimately understand me the way I try to understand them. I grew up thinking I was differant because I cared more about others than I do myself. My ultimate happiness is derived from your happiness. I'm a caring person, but it has bit me in the ass a time or two, even from those dearest. Some would call me spineless, others, wonderful. I am who I am, and sometimes it hurts. I don't get mad. I can remember two or three times I've ever gotten really mad, and God save the soul of the next guy who pushes me over that line. I'm passive, but not unpassionate. My dog makes me laugh, and we have deep discussions on a regular basis.
I'm going through this phase in where I am trying to condition myself to be the person I want to be, not because I feel I need to, but because I want to. This is hard.
I want to be a photographer. I want to take photos for a living. Not for a Newspaper (tried that and hated it), maybe free-lance, but really art photography. You know how people say, "Find what you really want to do with your life and do it"? Well I have, but they seem to leave out the part in that story about how you get there.
Don't you hate that feeling that you always have something looming over your head? Like, you can never relax because there's something else you should be doing. The problem is, I often forget what that "something" is.
See, this is what the blog is for. A virtual mind-dump if you will, that I can empty my thoughts onto allowing all to read and critique my life. Why? Because I care for you all. Maybe, just maybe one person will learn something significant that will somehow change his/her life and make this all worth the while. Bonne notte.
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